i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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