i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
