idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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