now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
