That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
