Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
