Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think people are normalizing furries
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
