I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
