like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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