Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
