i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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