3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
