my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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