ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
