it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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