you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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