im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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