New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
