She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
