She's JV to your varsity
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
