I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
