it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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