Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
