Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my sisters under your porch take her home
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We're too hungover to prance.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
