I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
