i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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