The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
