Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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