girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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