I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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