I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
