he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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