I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Someone signed my nipple.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize