yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Me too!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
