So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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