She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize