I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
