The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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