I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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