belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
