so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
