kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It was like getting head from an anaconda
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
