you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
