just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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