Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize