I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
