Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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