I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
