Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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