By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
