Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
