I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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