I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
