Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
