Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize