so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
