I feel great
I just peed on a car
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
