I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
