i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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