you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just high enough for therapy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
