So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
